The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important

Good relationship assistance. It helps to divvy up the chores in the household, so no one person feels like they are doing everything. Easy to use, makes a difference.

Nice game

Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy. This deck has it's pros and cons, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's a great way to start a conversation about the distribution of work in a household. Communication is key, and no one wants to feel criticized or as if they're not contributing enough. It's so easy to feel like a failure when simple chores are left unfinished because no one takes up the task in a timely manner, leaving an issue area like a few dishes or dust bunnies to grow into an overwhelming task. With these cards divided up, there's no question about who is doing what and when. It suddenly becomes clear just how much each person is taking on, and if anything, helps everyone appreciate the mutual effort of keeping things running smoothly.It's still often the case that the "mental load" of a household falls on women. As an article from Forbes on this very subject puts it: "It’s having to remember to pick up eggs. Even if you ask someone else to buy eggs, it’s you then checking that the eggs were in fact bought. It’s essentially project management. And when it’s at work, that’s what we call it. Project management. Or just management. It’s a whole job. Yet when it’s at home, we call it, well, we don’t really have a word for it." The micro-tasks that stack up throughout any given day shouldn't fall to one person or one gender in a household, and this deck attempts to even that playing field.Pros:★Conversation starter (positive communication is key)★Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy★Assist in the even distribution of household work and "mental load"★Make clear who is doing what and when in a household★Foster appreciation between members of a householdCons:★More couple-centric versus family-centric or household-centric★Many cards (almost half of the deck) for child rearing (these can just be pulled from the deck and kept in the box for childless households). Maybe a future installment of these cards could be further divided, so the child rearing cards can actually be expanded upon and purchased separately. This would make the set more approachable for different households and living arrangements, other than a nuclear family.★★★★★

Cards are decent conversation starters with your significant other. A couple of the cards had things on them that we did not understand what they meant. There are not explanations. There were quite a few things that we wished were written on the cards or that there were blank cards that we could write in things that were applicable to our family. The time commitment described in the directions was much shorter than it has taken us.

I'm a clinical psychologist who studies stress in families, so I am very familiar with the problems these cards are helping to solve-- uneven division of labor, poor communication, nagging, and resentment. I recommend these cards to all friends + family who are struggling to find a more equitable way to manage their household. A few things I really like about them:--They make invisible labor visible. Yes, there are cards for the obvious daily grind tasks, like dishes and laundry. But there's also a tooth fairy card ("Magical Beings"), a card for thank you notes, maintaining adult friendships-- so much of the behind-the-scenes work that keeps a household humming but goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. When you have a task on a physical card that you can hold in your hand, it helps make these kinds of tasks concrete to both partners.--There's an upside for both partners. These cards aren't just a clever way to trick your partner into doing more chores. As Rodsky stresses in her book (which I *highly* recommend reading before deploying the cards), this system isn't just focused on the sheer number of tasks that each person does, but in making sure that each partner feels total ownership of the tasks they take on. So there's less cross-talk, redundant effort, and less of a need for partners to check up on each other. In short, less nagging. When you take on a whole task- conception, planning, AND execution- it is more satisfying and meaningful, and it gives your other partner the freedom to trust you and not feel compelled to micromanage. The cards aren't really for score-keeping, but for improving communication and accountability between partners.--The cards are fun! Household labor is usually not all that enjoyable, and it's a common area of conflict for couples. The "gamification" aspect of these cards takes a topic that is often a bitter slog, and make it feel playful.